The Xmen Present: The Snow Queen
by Chellerbelle
Summary: The story of The Snow Queen, X-men style. Includes cast and narrator commentary. Just for laughs.


**AN: **

_The Snow Queen_ was requested by an anonymous reviewer.

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><p>There was once an evil gnome named Magneto, who hated everything good and ruled over a group of imps; Lance, Pietro, Wanda, Fred, and Toad. Magneto had a magical mirror which made anything good appear to be hideous and ugly, and anything evil to appear bigger and greater.<p>

Apocalypse liked to convince good people to look in the mirror so that they would see an evil reflection. He thought it was great fun.

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><p>"An evil gnome?" Rogue said. "Yeah, that's exactly what I thought Magneto was when I first saw him: a gnome."<p>

"I'm just laughing about the Brotherhood being imps," said Gambit.

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><p>Now it happened one day that the imps decided to tease the angels with the mirror. So they went up to heaven where they found Sam, Amara, Jubilee, Ray, and Sunspot. However, Lance, Pietro, Wanda, Fred, and Toad were so overwhelmed by their glory that their hands trembled and they dropped the mirror.<p>

The mirror fell all the way down to earth and shattered. Pieces of the mirror fell into the eyes of the people into the world so that they could no longer see anything beautiful.

Magneto was quite delighted with this turn of events.

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><p>"Hear that Jubes?" said Amara. "We're angels."<p>

"Hey, I've know that for years," Jubilee replied with a smirk.

"Waaaaait a second," said Jean. "How come Angel isn't an angel?"

**That would have been too easy. Besides, I was going for a New Mutants theme.**

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><p>There was a little cottage where two children, Jean and Scott, lived with their parents, and their grandmother. They were not truly brother and sister, but they loved each other as if they were.<p>

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><p>"Brother and sister?" Scott repeated.<p>

"Umm, Chellerbelle, you do realise that they're dating right?" asked Kitty.

**Yeah, I know. But that's how the story goes. They're each others best friends.**

"Shouldn't the brother and sister but not really brother and sister thing go to Rogue and Kurt?" Gambit asked thoughtfully. "Or wouldn't that work? I haven't read this story."

**Well, I thought about doing a Kurt and Rogue, but it was more fun this way.**

"Fair enough. So, who are Jean and Scott's parents?"

**You and Rogue.**

"Not again," said Rogue. "We had to be Jean's parents in _Rapunzel_."

**How tragic for you. Oh, and Irene is the grandmother.**

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><p>On numerous occasions during the winter, Scott would look outside and see a beautiful ice maiden. He told Jean about it, and the pair wondered about her. Then spring came, and the ice maiden was forgotten.<p>

Now it happened during the spring that a piece of the mirror fell into Scott's eye, and at once the world became a dark, terrible place. He looked at the beautiful red roses which he and Jean had been taking such good care of and could only see wilting, worm-eaten blooms. Angry, he reefed them out of the ground and smashed them.

"Scott! What are you doing?" Jean asked.

"They're ugly! I hate them," Scott declared.

"But...but you always loved the roses..."

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><p>"I really can't see myself getting that worked up over a bunch of flowers," Scott said.<p>

"Oh yeah?" Jean asked. "I seem to recall someone getting just a little upset when Duncan sent me flowers..."

"It was only the card I wrecked, not the flowers."

"Mmmhmm."

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><p>Instead of being his usual, charming self, Scott became mean and nasty to everyone. He teased Jean and taunted his grandmother. He was cruel, and selfish and spiteful, and when winter came around again, Jean believed that her dear sweet Scott was gone forever.<p>

"I'm going to go sledding," Scott declared to her one morning. "And you can't come. So there."

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><p>Gambit nudged Rogue.<p>

"Don't worry. I'm sure it's just a phase," he joked. "He'll grow out of it."

Rogue laughed and Jean covered her mouth to hide her giggles.

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><p>And so Scott went into town with his sled. Just to make things more fun, he would tie his sled to different sleighs so he would go faster. Then Scott tied his sled to a sleigh belonging to a woman dressed in white. Unfortunately for Scott, the woman drove fast out of town. Scott wanted to get off, but he couldn't. He cried out for help, and the woman must have heard him for she finally slowed down.<p>

The snow started to fall down, and the woman insisted that Scott should come back to her home with her, for it was too late to turn back. Scott agreed, and as the snow came down harder, the woman, who introduced herself as Emma, wrapped her white cloak around him to keep him warm.

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><p>"Suuuuuuure," Gambit said. "To keep him 'warm'. Right."<p>

"Yeah, I seem to recall you mentioning this Emma person back in _Swan Lake_," said Jean darkly. "Apparently Scott leave me for her."

"I wouldn't do such a thing," Scott insisted. "I love you, Jean."

"You know," Gambit went on thoughtfully. "That cloak looks like the one she usually wears with her Hellfire club uniform, which means she's probably wearing a corset and a pair of bikini briefs underneath. Getting a bit of an eyeful right about now, Boy Scout?"

Scott coughed uncomfortably.

"Oh really?" Jean said in a dangerous tone.

"In the snow?" asked Kitty. "I find that very hard to believe."

"So does Scott," Gambit replied, smirking.

Kitty rolled her eyes. "So, is it just me, or did that last scene remind anyone else of Narnia?"

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><p>Jean grew worried when Scott didn't return. Although everyone looked and looked for him, they couldn't find him, and Jean despaired.<p>

The year turned into spring once more, and Irene gave Jean a pair of beautiful red shoes. Jean admired them so and thought they were very lovely, then she went out and headed down to the river. When she got to the shore, she asked the river if it had seen Scott, and offered her shoes in return.

"Oh yeah, I saw him," said the river. "He was with the Snow Queen. They went that away."

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><p>"Who's the river?" asked Gambit.<p>

**Uhh... Bobby.**

"Whoohoo! I have a role in this story!" Bobby exclaimed.

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><p>And so Jean tossed the river her pretty new shoes, but Bobby gave them back.<p>

"You must have them," Jean insisted.

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><p>"What am I going to do with a pair of ladies shoes?" Bobby demanded, noted the smirks that were being thrown in his direction and added quickly: "Don't answer that."<p>

Snickering followed anyway.

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><p>After Jean tossed the shoes back again, an empty boat floated down towards her. She climbed inside and let the river take her downstream.<p>

After she had gone a fair way, a woman who lived in a cottage near the river happened to see her. The woman's name was Ororo and she used her powers to bring Jean to shore.

"Have you seen Scott?" Jean asked her.

"Yes I have," Ororo replied. "In fact, he'll be here soon. Why don't you come inside and eat while we wait?"

But Ororo had lied and once Jean was inside, she used her magic to make Jean forget all about Scott. She also went into her garden and killed all the rose bushes, for she feared if Jean were to see them, they might trigger her memories of Scott.

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><p>"Wow, I can't believe you lied to me," Jean said, giving Storm a teasing smile.<p>

"I believe I was cast for the garden," Storm replied, smiling back.

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><p>Jean lived with Ororo for quite sometime until one day Jean was left alone with Ororo's hat. Now, on Ororo's hat there was a bouquet of flowers. Amongst the flowers was one, a red rose, which Jean couldn't remember seeing before. She thought it was very beautiful though, so she went into the garden to see if she could find more.<p>

But as try as she might, Jean couldn't find any more roses. Upset, she fell to the ground and cried.

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><p>"Wow, overdramatic much?" Gambit asked.<p>

"Yeha, I thought you were part of the soccer team, not the drama club," Rogue added.

"I'm just amazed you can fit even one flower on your hat," Kitty said with a giggle.

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><p>Jean's tears soaked into the ground and touched upon a rose bush that used to live in that very spot. Magically, the rose bush regrew, and when Jean saw it, she remembered all about Scott. She asked the roses why she had stayed there so long.<p>

"I must find Scott," Jean said. "Do you suppose he's dead?"

"No, for we have just been in the land of the dead, and he was not there," the roses replied.

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><p>"Soooo," said Gambit. "The tears of the Phoenix can bring dead roses to life... Interesting."<p>

"Who are the roses?" asked Kitty.

**Umm...Let's see, who else here has come back from the dead before? Logan, Piotr, Kitty! Kitty's the roses.**

"Oh great," Kitty said. "Flowers are pretty—wait, I died?"

**Wait, the roses did say 'we' so maybe all three of you are roses...**

"Let's just get on with the story, shall we?" Logan said gruffly.

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><p>Jean ran into the forest and asked the birds if they had seen Scott.<p>

"I have seen him," replied a raven named Mystique. "He was in the Snow Queen's sleigh. They were headed to Lapland."

Mystique decided that she wanted to help Jean, so she asked Rahne the reindeer to take Jean to Lapland.

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><p>"Rahne the Reindeer," Bobby said with a snicker.<p>

"I feel like my morphing powers have been downgraded to 'prey'," Rahne said thoughtfully.

Rogue had a few unfavourable things to say under her breath about Mystique and people not having their priorities in order.

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><p>So Jean climbed on Rahne's back, and the pair travelled to Lapland without stopping until they got to a little hut. The hut belonged to an old woman named Agatha, and Rahne at once told Agatha everything that had happened.<p>

"You still have a long way to travel if you wish to find the Snow Queen," Agatha advised them. "She lives in a country called Finmark. I have a young friend there, if you wish, I will write a message for you to give her, and perhaps she will be able to help you further."

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><p>"Say, where is Emma?" Scott asked, looking around. "It's just occurred to me that when we've had guest stars from the comicverse before, they usually paid us a visit, like that Bella Donna or Betsy. So... Where's Emma?"<p>

"Why so interested?" Jean asked darkly.

"Oh, umm, I..." Scott stammered.

**Emma had a very important prior engagement she couldn't possibly cancel to join us today.**

"Doctor?" Jean asked.

**Hair stylist.**

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><p>Another long trip later, Jean and Rahne arrived at the doorstep of Agatha's young friend, Amanda. Amanda read the message and told them where the Snow Queen lived, then bade Jean go inside to rest. Once Jean was out of earshot, Rahne commented to Amanda that she'd heard of her before.<p>

"You are very powerful," Rahne said. "Isn't there something you can do to help Jean?"

"Jean can speak to the very world around her," Amanda replied. "She has all the power she needs to save Scott."

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><p>"Amanda is powerful?" Tabitha asked curiously. "What can you do?"<p>

"Amanda's a sorceress in the comicverse," Gambit said helpfully before Amanda could reply. "She's also Kurt's ex-girlfriend...and his adopted sister."

"I'm his what?" Amanda exclaimed.

"Uhh, you sure about that?" Kurt asked, looking between Amanda and Gambit nervously.

"Sure I'm sure. She's Margali's daughter, so you two even grew up together," Gambit said, smirking at him. "Actually, it just occurs to me that Kurt and Amanda could have worked just as well, if not better than Kurt and Rogue as the leads of this story."

Kurt leaned in towards Amanda. "I don't think we should listen to him."

"Yeah, even if what he was saying was true," Amanda said, giving Gambit a dark look, "it's not applicable in the Evo-verse. So there."

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><p>The next day, Jean and Rahne travelled to the Snow Queen's palace, and Rahne let Jean off at the gate. She headed inside the palace, and found Scott alone in a corner with some letters made out of ice. The Snow Queen told him that if he could figure out what the letters were supposed to spell, that he would be free, and she would give him a new pair of ice skates. Try as he might, Scott couldn't figure out the puzzle.<p>

Jean ran to him and wrapped him up in her arms.

"Scott, Scott, I've finally found you!" she exclaimed.

But Scott just looked back at her coldly, and when she saw the cold in his eyes she wept. Her tears feel down her cheeks and into his eyes, and they washed out the splinter of the mirror that had been caught in them. At once he could see the beauty in the world again.

"Jean?" he said in amazement. "Where have you been all this time? And what is this place?"

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><p>"I've decided I like this story," Rogue said. "For once it's the girl rescuing the boy."<p>

Jean laughed. "I like it too."

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><p>Scott looked at the letters on the ground, and realised that they spelt "Eternity". Now that the riddle was solved, he was free to leave, for the Snow Queen could not go back on her word.<p>

Hand in hand, Jean and Scott left the palace of the Snow Queen. As soon as they stepped outside they saw that the world had began to thaw, for spring was upon them once more. They caught up with Rahne, who carried the two back home again.

"Look, Scott," Jean said. "Our garden is more beautiful than ever."

But Scott only had eyes for his dear Jean, his truest friend, who had brought him safely home.

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><p><strong>The end.<strong>

"Eternity?" Jean said. "That's a little creepy."

"Yeah," Rogue agreed.

"I'm a little disappointed we didn't get a Jean vs Emma cat fight," said Gambit.

Rogue elbowed Gambit in the stomach.

"Of course," Gambit went on blithely, rubbing his stomach, "it probably wouldn't be that much of a cat fight to watch. I mean, they are both telepaths after all."

"This is true," Rogue said.

"Although how Scott managed to score two women fighting over him, I have no idea," Gambit said. "Must have something to do with that telepath fetish of his..."

"I do not have a telepath fetish," Scott said irritably.

"Suuuure you don't," Gambit replied.


End file.
